There's this movie series out that has all the kids excited. It features Keanu Reeves and Laurence Fishbourne and Carrie-Anne Moss kicking ass in slow motion. Also, it features Carrie-Anne Moss in snug vinyl. And Jada Pinkett-Smith in snug vinyl. And Monica Bellucci in a snug dress. It is packed to the brim with the ass kicking and the snug vinyl. No wonder it is a big hit.

That is not all. For those seeking more than mere movie-going, it features

a) some kindergarten philosophy about consciousness and reality,
b) a self-satisfied little web site full of too-dark production stills, and
c) a video game that Reveals Information The Films Do Not.

Good thing it still has the ass kicking and the snug vinyl going for it, eh?

Enter the Matrix, the video game in question, arrived a few weeks back with a torrent of bluster we hadn't seen since, well, since the theatrical debut of The Matrix Reloaded. The new game, we have heard over and over, is the Future of Interactive Entertainment. It will change the way we think about movie games, it will blow our minds, etc. From a marketing point of view this makes sense; the thing has now sold more than a million copies at US $50 each, despite the unfortunate handicap of not being very good.

Still. Film critics are loath to say too many kind things about the Matrix movies, mostly because ass kicking and snug vinyl come off trashy compared with, you know, films, but the truth is there hasn't been anything like The Matrix in years, and maybe not since Star Wars. The Matrix made grownups feel like giddy kids. It made our mouths hang open and it made us chatter like idiots to anyone who would listen and it made us line up at the theatre to pay full price over and over again. Maybe it wasn't the best movie in decades, but it surely was the most exciting.

So when Enter the Matrix comes along after four years of breathless anticipation, and instead of rocking our worlds it just kind of mildly entertains us like any number of other action-adventure games, that sunny feeling gives way to something blue.

The game focuses on two minor characters from The Matrix Reloaded, Ghost and Niobe. It fills in the story of what they were up to while they were not onscreen. You may be surprised at how much their ordinary working lives are like Jack Wade's and Gabe Logan's and Solid Snake's. They spend a lot of time wandering down hallways and taking cover behind crates. They shoot guns a lot and are fond of martial arts and fisticuffs. They drive a rodded-up '70s musclecar. They wear overdesigned sunglasses. None of this is out of keeping with the movie, true, but none of it quite has that Matrix spirit either. There is a button that lets you kick ass in slow motion. It is called "focus." The special effect that ate Hollywood's brain and made all our hair stand up ends its reign as a euphemism for PAYING ATTENTION, of all things.

You can play as either one of the characters; one's adventure is slightly different from the other's but the overall vibe and flow is just the same: you run, you shoot, you punch, you drive, and whenever you think there might be a little dramatic tension building, the game stops and asks if you would like to save your progress. Instead of giddy or nervous, you feel safe and comfortable the whole time. It's a bit like you swallowed the blue pill.